Tragedy has been averted...
When I went out the front door to leave for work I noticed that the blue barrel was actually not the one that went out today. So, since I don't want to hear all week long about how hard it is not to have two T.V. Guides I went through the trash and found it! Hallalujah, I could hear the angels singing. Then I turned and saw all of the neighbors watching me in horror. A trash digger in our neighborhood...horrors! I ran that guide into the house and presented it to DAM. Peace shall reign for the rest of the week, at least in the T.V. Guide department.
Posted by Jennifer and Kim at 10:31 AM 0 comments
Monday, October 29, 2007
Tragedy has struck...
I must have missed the first alarm this morning or DAM slept in. After that big dinner last night who wouldn't sleep in. She said it was a good thing she only got 1/2 of her steak because she would have eaten the whole thing! Mind you she is teeny tiny. Probably weighs 100 pounds sopping wet. Here's a pic of SDM and FGR. Don't they look like they just enjoyed some steak? You know DAM shared with them. They're smiling!
Anyway, back to the tragedy. I hear the microwave go off at 5:00 a.m. Once I'm awake that's it, I've got to get out of bed. So I head to the kitchen to make my morning ritual...
and I hear "Kim, is that you?" Mind you if she would just turn around she would see that it's me. I reply, "Yes, what do you need?" DAM - "Listen, don't go anywhere, I need to ask you something. Did you save me the T.V. Guide from your Sunday paper?" Tragedy!!!! I looked at the table where the paper should have been and realize that DH through it in the recycle barrel already. I head for the door to avoid said tragedy just as the trash truck was pulling away from our barrel. So why is this a tragedy? Our household gets 4 papers delivered each and every day. Sharing a newspaper is not something DAM is willing to do. I guess she would share it after she was done with it but I would still be missing some of the paper because DAM disects it, and removes all of the puzzles. She is a crossword puzzle fiend. I know you're thinking that she should have her T.V. Guide then. Right you are, but one T.V. Guide isn't enough. DAM must have one in her front room and one in her bedroom. Can't it be taken back and forth? Too much work...such a tragedy! As DAM tells us constantly, "You don't know what it's like to be me." I guess she's right, I don't.
Happy Monday, I'm off to make breakfast!
Sunday, October 28, 2007
Yep, this is gonna be fun!
Here's another peek at life in Johnson comedy land...DAM's dinner. Not prepared by me, dinner is DH's thing. Really, he enjoy's it. Or, maybe he just enjoys knowing that there will be something edible for dinner.
Can you say spoiled? I don't think they get this kind of treatment in retirement homes! If the steak looks blood rare that's because it is. Just the way DAM likes it. O.K., I'm spoiled too. He'll barbecue my steak just the way I like it. This is funny because DAM has to eat at 5:45 p.m. No earlier, no later, it's all about the routines here!
Taking pictures at home is going to change everything! Dinner is served with a smile on his face instead of Mr. Grouchy saying "what the F*** was I thinking?" He never ever says that, really. No for real! Here's steroid driven Maverick (SDM) and Fat Golden Retriever (FGR) jockying for position. Come on, it's STEAK! Of course, the dog's think that DH just barbecued for them!
That's it, Johnson comedy land will shut down since the source of my never ending comedy will retire soon after one more ritual. But's that's a whole nother blog! I'm off to watch the Rockies hopefully do some magic. Good night!
I've decided that my life is a comedy...
and should be considered for a new sit com. I would say reality show but I want the choice of who will play my character. I'm going with someone much younger and thinner! Why do I feel like this? For starters DH (Rick) and I have been married for 9 years. In that 9 years various relatives have come to live with us. The visitors have stayed anywhere from 3 months to 2 years to the present live in who has been with us for hmmmm 4 years! DAM (dear Aunt Myrna) came to live with us because she fell and broke her hip. For most people that means a trip to the hospital and a hip replacement. Well, not for DAM! She stayed home, lived in pain, and paid nurses to be with her 24/7 for 3 months. After seeing how expensive that was she decided that it was time to come and live with us. I'm sure DH offered at some point but never in a million years did we think she would ever leave CA. This is where the sit com begins. We insisted DAM go to the doctor which she did. It went sort of like this...Dr. "you'll have to get your hip x-rayed." DAM "that's fine". X-ray tech "you're hip is broken, you'll need surgery." DAM "no, I will never have surgery." Dr. to us "if DAM doesn't get her hip fixed she probably won't live 6 months." Receptionist "that will be $100". DH "that was cheap". DAM "cheap hell, I could have told them my hip was broken!"
We took DAM home and told her that if she wasn't going to get her hip fixed she would have to find somewhere else to live. We were attempting to change her mind. There was no way I was going to have DAM live in my house for 6 months and die! DAM said fine, she just wanted us to help her find a place close to us. So, of course we caved. Well, so much for the Dr.'s prediction. DAM has been with us for 4 years and nearly every day there is some sort of crisis. To the average person these are very dull events but in DAM's world they are huge.
Let me introduce you to my cast of characters...
Meet Maverick. Maverick is my DD Cristine's dog. Why is he with us then? Oh, that's right, we run a boarding house! Mav is about 12 years old which is like 84 in dog years! Wow, he's older that DAM I think. He's slowing down and having hip problems too. Seems to be a trend in this house. I took him to the vet a few months ago and he is now on steroids. How is that comical you ask? His appetite is insatiable. He is on a never ending search for food. Be it from the trash (most recently a jar of peanut butter), the barbeque, or the greatest spoiler of dogs ever, DAM!
O.K. this next picture is pretty gross as DH blurted out, but this is a look into my EVERYDAY life. Almost everyday I make DAM breakfast. If I don't she would maintain a steady diet of butter and peanut butter on toast. God forbid she stand at the stove and cook. Never has, never will. The microwave is only used for heating coffee (long story), or heating the dinner that we have cooked the night before and put in her fridge. So, after I have made her breakfast and delivered it on a tray this is what happens...
I know, gross...but this is what really happens. Note the dogs are strategically positioned at DAM'S feet. I would have loved to get a straight on shot but DAM would never allow that! And yes, that's her tray, I believe it's Barney! A small portion of her breakfast is delivered to the dogs even after repeated begging for her not to do it. I don't think dogs like cantaloupe but tell that to a steriod driven dog. The other character to the left is Abi. My overweight Golden Retriever. I say mine, but she really belongs to DAM who again, spoils them rotten.
This is DAM's beloved scooter. Occasionally she takes short trips around the neighborhood, typically dressed like a bag lady, or she goes to Walgreens for some extravagant purchase.
Meet my alarm clock. How could this be an alarm clock? DAM gets up anywhere between 3:30 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.
and should be considered for a new sit com. I would say reality show but I want the choice of who will play my character. I'm going with someone much younger and thinner! Why do I feel like this? For starters DH (Rick) and I have been married for 9 years. In that 9 years various relatives have come to live with us. The visitors have stayed anywhere from 3 months to 2 years to the present live in who has been with us for hmmmm 4 years! DAM (dear Aunt Myrna) came to live with us because she fell and broke her hip. For most people that means a trip to the hospital and a hip replacement. Well, not for DAM! She stayed home, lived in pain, and paid nurses to be with her 24/7 for 3 months. After seeing how expensive that was she decided that it was time to come and live with us. I'm sure DH offered at some point but never in a million years did we think she would ever leave CA. This is where the sit com begins. We insisted DAM go to the doctor which she did. It went sort of like this...Dr. "you'll have to get your hip x-rayed." DAM "that's fine". X-ray tech "you're hip is broken, you'll need surgery." DAM "no, I will never have surgery." Dr. to us "if DAM doesn't get her hip fixed she probably won't live 6 months." Receptionist "that will be $100". DH "that was cheap". DAM "cheap hell, I could have told them my hip was broken!"
We took DAM home and told her that if she wasn't going to get her hip fixed she would have to find somewhere else to live. We were attempting to change her mind. There was no way I was going to have DAM live in my house for 6 months and die! DAM said fine, she just wanted us to help her find a place close to us. So, of course we caved. Well, so much for the Dr.'s prediction. DAM has been with us for 4 years and nearly every day there is some sort of crisis. To the average person these are very dull events but in DAM's world they are huge.
Let me introduce you to my cast of characters...
Meet Maverick. Maverick is my DD Cristine's dog. Why is he with us then? Oh, that's right, we run a boarding house! Mav is about 12 years old which is like 84 in dog years! Wow, he's older that DAM I think. He's slowing down and having hip problems too. Seems to be a trend in this house. I took him to the vet a few months ago and he is now on steroids. How is that comical you ask? His appetite is insatiable. He is on a never ending search for food. Be it from the trash (most recently a jar of peanut butter), the barbeque, or the greatest spoiler of dogs ever, DAM!
O.K. this next picture is pretty gross as DH blurted out, but this is a look into my EVERYDAY life. Almost everyday I make DAM breakfast. If I don't she would maintain a steady diet of butter and peanut butter on toast. God forbid she stand at the stove and cook. Never has, never will. The microwave is only used for heating coffee (long story), or heating the dinner that we have cooked the night before and put in her fridge. So, after I have made her breakfast and delivered it on a tray this is what happens...
I know, gross...but this is what really happens. Note the dogs are strategically positioned at DAM'S feet. I would have loved to get a straight on shot but DAM would never allow that! And yes, that's her tray, I believe it's Barney! A small portion of her breakfast is delivered to the dogs even after repeated begging for her not to do it. I don't think dogs like cantaloupe but tell that to a steriod driven dog. The other character to the left is Abi. My overweight Golden Retriever. I say mine, but she really belongs to DAM who again, spoils them rotten.
This is DAM's beloved scooter. Occasionally she takes short trips around the neighborhood, typically dressed like a bag lady, or she goes to Walgreens for some extravagant purchase.
This is just about the extent of my decorating for Halloween. I really need to get busy! To us this is just a cute scarecrow. To DAM this is the SCARY LADY! Now, how could that be a scary lady? Keep reading...
Meet my alarm clock. How could this be an alarm clock? DAM gets up anywhere between 3:30 a.m. and 5:00 a.m.
The first thing she does is heat up one of her "saved" cups of coffee from yesterday. See where I'm going with this. She heats the friggin coffee in the microwave...beep, beep, beep, beep. Remember we live in a small house that was built in 1915. While DAM isn't living in our living space her space is just off of the kitchen which is just around the corner from our room. I've contemplated ear plugs, trust me! So where am I going with this...
Let's recap...DAM gets up super early, heats coffee, wakes me up, gets on scooter (Walgreens opens at 6:00 a.m.) She navigates scooter past parked trucks. The driveway is narrow ...
Scarecrow used to be about where the flamingo is. It's dark and DAM trys to scoot between the truck and the wall. Scarecrow falls on DAM (who is easily startled) and she starts screaming bloody murder. Hence, Scary Lady! I start running to find out what happened and that's how my day started. Scary Lady has been repositioned but DAM will never leave the house again unless I reassure her that Scary Lady is not out there!
Is this sit com material? I think so. I have to laugh about it or bury my head in the sand! I think DAM will out live me!
Sunday, October 7, 2007
We're back...
Back in the house that I literally hated. Notice that I say hated and not hate! That's a switch. When we bought this house and moved in it was in need of much renovation. We tried living in it while DH remodeled but it was going so slow and it was so hard to live here without just a few modern conveniences like a dishwasher, garbage disposal, normal kitchen cabinets...you know, not alot, just a few things.
So fast forward 11 months and here we are. This is the front porch. It's hard to tell, but where the beautiful leaded glass window is there used to be a door that didn't open. On the other side of that is the tiny dining room. The previous owner had built some sort of shrine of bits and pieces of wood that was enormous and well, hideous. I know it meant something to her but so much not our style. Down it came. Now we have morning sunlight through this beautiful window. It's such a pleasure.
This orchid tree was once super overgrown and while I loved it DH decided to cut it down along with a few (no alot) of overgrown trees and bushes. It has since resprouted and we are going to trim and shape it into the beautiful tree it should be. These trees are also called butterfly trees and the hummingbirds just love it!
This is my dog Abi who loves the backyard. It is huge and lush. I'm not quite sure what these plants are but I need to learn.
These purple flowers just recently popped up. Again, I have no idea what they are!
I do know that this is a pomegranate tree and boy is it full. Ellen made jam with them last year. Hmmm...maybe she'll do that again!
This is the only rose bush on the property. I think it needs some attention but for now I'm loving the flowers that are on it. Again, I need to learn!
This huge frog came with the house and I will make sure he stays. Isn't he cute and froggy! Should we give him a new paint job?
This is a picture of the backyard. Isn't it big! And full of fruit trees!
So there's a little tour of the house that I once hated. We are very happy here now and plan to stay for a LONG time! Still some work to do since DH is never done remodeling. Next time I'll show you the remodeling that he did in Myrna's little apartment. She too, hated this house but is now very comfortable. I guess you say "all's well that ends well!"
Back in the house that I literally hated. Notice that I say hated and not hate! That's a switch. When we bought this house and moved in it was in need of much renovation. We tried living in it while DH remodeled but it was going so slow and it was so hard to live here without just a few modern conveniences like a dishwasher, garbage disposal, normal kitchen cabinets...you know, not alot, just a few things.
So fast forward 11 months and here we are. This is the front porch. It's hard to tell, but where the beautiful leaded glass window is there used to be a door that didn't open. On the other side of that is the tiny dining room. The previous owner had built some sort of shrine of bits and pieces of wood that was enormous and well, hideous. I know it meant something to her but so much not our style. Down it came. Now we have morning sunlight through this beautiful window. It's such a pleasure.
This orchid tree was once super overgrown and while I loved it DH decided to cut it down along with a few (no alot) of overgrown trees and bushes. It has since resprouted and we are going to trim and shape it into the beautiful tree it should be. These trees are also called butterfly trees and the hummingbirds just love it!
This is my dog Abi who loves the backyard. It is huge and lush. I'm not quite sure what these plants are but I need to learn.
These purple flowers just recently popped up. Again, I have no idea what they are!
I do know that this is a pomegranate tree and boy is it full. Ellen made jam with them last year. Hmmm...maybe she'll do that again!
This is the only rose bush on the property. I think it needs some attention but for now I'm loving the flowers that are on it. Again, I need to learn!
This huge frog came with the house and I will make sure he stays. Isn't he cute and froggy! Should we give him a new paint job?
This is a picture of the backyard. Isn't it big! And full of fruit trees!
So there's a little tour of the house that I once hated. We are very happy here now and plan to stay for a LONG time! Still some work to do since DH is never done remodeling. Next time I'll show you the remodeling that he did in Myrna's little apartment. She too, hated this house but is now very comfortable. I guess you say "all's well that ends well!"
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